The New Things I Tried in 2023

Hi there, it’s Jess. I know we’re more than halfway through January, but I’m still reflecting on 2023.

All of 2023 was like a beginning to me. I finally felt free of pandemic worry despite getting COVID twice. We entered a really sweet stage with the kids (who turned 4, 6, and 8 last year); they’re much more independent and love playing together (with the usual sibling squabbles) and are also just so fun to be around.

I’ve settled into living 3 blocks away from my parents who moved from Las Vegas in January of 2022. They are incredibly helpful, happily chauffeuring their grandchildren to school and their activities. Most people would have celebrated this freedom but I felt so much guilt at first, like I was shirking my mom duties, but I have learned (and am still learning) to let go and accept this blessing of family help.

Cook Smarts’ meal plan service turned ten last year, and while the business doesn’t completely run itself, I significantly reduced my hours.

The combination of all these things left me with a lot of time for myself in 2023. Instead of figuring out ways to be more productive, in this fifth decade of life, I’ve given myself the allowance of rest and also permission to invest in my own fun and recreation. So here are some of the new things I filled my 2023 with:

1. So much more body maintenance

When I turned 40 in October of 2021, I felt my body change overnight. Everything just felt harder all of a sudden. There were more aches in my joints, there was more tightness in my muscles, and workouts felt harder. My initial response: WTF? Is this really happening? Did I really become some middle-age cliche? If I ignore it, maybe it’ll just go away. (Because we all know that’s how problems work, right?)

But of course it did not. My body did not miraculously return to a more sprightly and hardy version of its previous self. Instead an incredibly painful tweak to my neck and back from simply getting out of bed one morning made me admit that ignoring the problem was not an option anymore.

With the help of a physiotherapist and a massage therapist, I was able to fix my neck and back. Both of them made me realize that I couldn’t simply tend to the demands of my life and expect my body to just do the work without some level of care and restoration anymore, so I introduced some new changes to my life going into 2023.

I made myself get a monthly massage. I know most people are happy to get a massage. That is not me. I’ve never particularly enjoyed them. I have a hard time with the idea of being pampered (which I know is from deep immigrant upbringing roots of never seeing my mother and grandmother do anything for themselves) but I convinced myself that this is not about being pampered; this is like the routine oil change your body needs so that it can run.

I found a massage therapist with gifted hands. Every month Larry tells me, “Man you’re tight,” because I always am. As he painfully kneads away at all the knots around my shoulder blades and neck, we talk about the books we’ve read, the movies we’ve watched, the art exhibits we’ve heard about or want to see or have seen. I look forward to Larry resetting my body every month, and it was one of the best things I brought into my 2023 (and I also realize how lucky I am to be able to afford this luxury that really should be a must for all women after a certain age).

I also finally discovered the sauna and steam room at my gym, where I’ve been a member for eight years, but always thought, I come here to work out, not to relax in the sauna. But not in 2023! In 2023, every weekday after my workout, I brought my neck stretcher into the sauna and just laid there with all the other ladies who have also reached the age of “I give no fucks about lying here buck naked in front of complete strangers.” After I’ve baked for five to ten minutes, I proceed to the steam room to let my body have a drink after the parched air of the sauna. I’ve come to see that a short rest in these heated spaces actually fills me up with energy, and it was such a new and welcomed way to start the day.

To round out this year of maintenance, I visited a Korean spa for the first time with girlfriends in December as a holiday gift to ourselves. As the website says, “A Korean spa is not for the modest,” because you must be naked during your services. After my scrub, I understand why. It’s not just that a piece of clothing would interrupt the vigorous scrubbing; it’s that a Korean scrub is akin to rebirth. We came into this world without clothing and that is why you need to be naked to appreciate the full benefits of this experience. You will literally feel your dead skin cells spread out around you, but it’s not just old skin you lose. I felt like I had shed any tension and negativity I had been holding inside and walked off that table feeling emotionally lighter and spiritually fuller. It’s no wonder I slept like a baby (well, one that has been sleep trained) that night.

2. Downhill sports!

I hate the feeling of going downhill with any speed. Even driving downhill in the cocoon of my car scares me (this made living in San Francisco a bit of a terrifying time in my life). Therefore, it was very surprising to my husband that the two new sports I tried last year were mountain biking and downhill skiing, and it was an even bigger surprise that I enjoyed both (though remain very terrible at both, which is the part that surprises no one).

Mountain biking was offered at the family camp we attended last year. There was an intro session on the first day, and I thought well, there probably won’t be a more convenient time for me to try this. I’m in the mountains of a national park, it’s all paid for, they have a bike for me, and I won’t be the only beginner in this group.

It was the first time that I enjoyed the thrill of going downhill. I felt safe on top of the heftiness of a mountain bike and ended up signing up for two more sessions, which is where my fitness maxed out. All the following sessions were for much longer, intense rides that I wasn’t skilled enough for but I enjoyed it enough that I’m going to try to find a women’s mountain biking clinic some time this year or next.

Then in December our family went to Winter Park, Colorado (about one and a half hours outside of Denver) for the holidays. My husband grew up skiing as many Coloradans do but has never asked me to learn, respecting my unease for anything downhill but I had said, when our youngest goes to ski school, I will go to ski school too. I kept my promise and signed up for 2 days of lessons. The joke in our family was who was going to cry more - me or the four year old?

In both days, I was definitely the worst student (never easy for a Type-A personality). I often couldn’t execute the directions that the instructors were giving despite trying very hard to process it in my brain. I could not control my speed and would go way faster than I was comfortable with so my go-to response for stopping would be to just fall. Often times I would get stuck and would need the class to wait while the instructor skied over to help me get back on my feet which sometimes went over my head during a fall.

I think a younger me would have hated being in a situation like this. I probably would have bailed on day two’s lessons but seeing and encouraging my kids to learn and try new things over these last few years has made me want to set the same example too. Plus age has offered me so much more grace with myself. No one expects me to be good at everything; most of it is just self-inflicted pressure that I am learning to ease up on. Despite my many falls, I could tell that I was improving over the two days of lesson and even ended up skiing a day on my own afterwards, and I really enjoyed myself.

Our family went skiing again over MLK weekend this year already, and I’m not sure if it’s something I’ll stick with, but I’m so happy that I tried. It makes me feel hopeful that I still have decades of learning ahead of me and that I’m far from closing the door to trying new things.

Although 2023 passed by much too quickly, as all the years seem to do now, I filled it with new rituals and many rewarding moments. I am taking all the self-maintenance routines into 2024. I’m not sure if I’ll try any new sports in 2024 but I have a plan to revisit my favorite sport of running more. I’ve signed up for a 10K in March and look forward to the highs of longer runs and in my older, wiser years, the reward of rest as well.

Did you try anything new in 2023? Will you bring any of those things into 2024? I want to know!

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